Confession: When I first started having sex, I was utterly shocked to learn it’s nothing like the movies make it out to be. What do you mean it’s not hot and passionate every single time?! The honest truth is that real life sex is far from glamorous and isn’t always a mind-blowing experience. Real life sex happens when you’re half asleep in the morning. It happens when you’re totally unprepared. It happens between play dates and drop-offs; brunch and happy hour.
Just like any other aspect of a relationship, sex is so important. The experience of connecting with your partner on the most intimate of levels is euphoric. However, just like any other aspect of a relationship, sex requires constant work and effort from both people. The best sex doesn’t just happen – you and your partner have to be in sync.
So how can you and your partner have better sex? Enter: Communication. Together, sex and communication are the bread and butter of a healthy relationship. You talk to your partner about the grocery list and pile of bills, so why not talk openly about sex if you aren’t already doing so?
As much as we want our partners to be mind readers, they’re not. It’s really important to communicate your needs and wants and be intentional about talking about sex in general.
Here are a few tips for talking openly about sex with your partner.
Do the Dirty.. Talk
Is it just me, or do college kids and Snapchat give sexting a bad rep? I love sexting and feel like all couples should do it more often. Dirty talk can be both fun and informative because it gives you the opportunity to learn about what your partner really wants from you in the bedroom.
When it comes to communicating about sex, it’s especially important to talk to your partner about your sexual desires. Whether it happens over texts, calls, FaceTime, or snail mail, dirty talk is an essential aspect of one’s sex life. The more your partner knows, the better. Knowledge is power, my friends.
In most cases, the best sex happens as a result of very clear communication. It’s important to frame your sexual desires in a way that doesn’t keep your partner guessing. Be direct and give plenty of detail about what turns you on.
Make Sex a Normal Part of Conversation
“How was your day, babe?”
“Good.” *rants about work* “How was your day?”
Raise your hand if this is how talks over dinner typically go. Same.
Although it’s easier said than done, another way to intentionally talk to your partner about sex is to make it a normal part of everyday conversation. If you’re sexually frustrated, express it. If you’re feeling like you and your partner aren’t in sync, talk about it. Over are the days in which women are expected to hide their sexual feelings and needs. This type of dialogue can help make sex a comfortable and satisfying experience for both you and your partner.
Be Direct in the Moment
Don’t be afraid to be vocal in the bedroom. Again, the more your partner knows, the better. In the moment, clear sexual dialogue is essential. Without it, how is your partner supposed to know whether you like or dislike certain things?
One way to ensure you and your partner are in sync is to compliment the good stuff. Men naturally want to make women feel good, so when he’s doing something you like, tell him! Chances are he’ll pick up on your cues and adjust his performance accordingly.
Another way to foster positive sexual dialogue is to avoid criticism at all costs. If your partner tends to do something you don’t necessarily enjoy, avoid saying things like “Please don’t” or “I don’t like that.” Instead, try to frame the not-so-good in a way that redirects the motions and results in the good.